Today

Today is much much much much much MUCH better than yesterday. I went to boyfriend's house and we went out to eat for his birthday. Twice. Lunch and Dinner. But Today I am much more motivated. I had somewhat of an epiphany last night. We went walking around Planet Holloywood (the hotel/casino)
oh, wait! Have I told you that I live in Las Vegas? Probably not. Well, I do hah.
Anyways, we went to some clothes shops and I saw tiny clothes and tiny manequines and tiny girls, so I thought to myself, I'm done. I'm done being weak. I'm done with this body. I'm tired of being a skinny girl trapped in fat. I want so badly to be skinny, and of all things, I am holding myself back from that. Boyfriend always tells me that if I get too skinny, he'll break up with me. I don't know if I believe him or not. But being confident with myself would make me so much happier than any relationship ever could.

I've only had a taste of skinny, and boy do I want the whole bowl. That's sort of ironic considering I'm not eating a bowl of anything to get the "bowl of skinny." I will be happy. I don't know why I continue to hold myself back from my own happiness. You'd think I'd want this for myself. Which I do, but part of me doesn't care. God, I'm confusing as hell.

Let's put it plainly: I want to be skinny. End of story.
Today I had a small bowl of cereal to hold me off for the day. Probably around 130-150 cals. Not too bad, I guess. I'll just have water for the rest of the day. Until dinner. Hopefully I can get out of it. Since I've been staying with my best friend (parents are out of town), it's been easy to eat small dinner. They're big meat eaters and I'm vegetarian, so I basically have a salad every night. Although, my family doesn't even do family dinners, so it's easier not to eat dinner at all at my own house. But, I'll update how I did today after dinner. See you soon.

xoxo