I wish

I wish I could let people in. I wish I could share my feelings and more with the world. I want so badly to say how I really feel when I'm upset, but I can't. My heart and mind will not let me. .They say, you've been hurt too many times. Don't let it happen again.

Why can't I just say, Hey, this is how I feel when you do this. WHY? It's like my entire body shuts down and blocks out everything when someone asks is everything okay? Or, what's wrong? Those words are like poison to my ears and they slowly seep into my heart, pumps through my vains, to my brain and everything just quits on me.

I've been this way for as long as I can remember. When I cry, I can't even speak. When I'm angry, I know exactly what I want to say, but I never say it. My feelings are pushed down, and pushed down and tucked away forever and no one will ever know the truth.

Some day I'll be able to let people in. Some day I won't be so scared. Some day I'll let my voice be heard. But today, my emotions are once again put away in a deep dark corner of my mind and forgotten the very next day.

There is no way of telling if I'll ever actually be able to let people in. If I'll stop being paranoid. If I'll trust another ever again. But I can only hope for a brighter day.

xoxo