Hello 2013

I know I'm a little late on resolutions, but better late than never. I was thinking about getting some diet pills to reduce my appetite because I have a tendency to eat when I'm bored. I was thinking Pure Green Coffee Bean pills but I haven't done much research on them yet. If anyone knows any weight loss pills that you've tried or you know that work, please let me know! xox

I haven't posted on this for over a year now but it looks like some blogs I follow are still active. but i'm thinking about moving to tumblr. if any of you are still active, and have a tumblr please comment on this post or something! thanks xox

no eating allowed

so since I get yelled at for everytime I eat, I'm just gonna stop eating at home. but then they notice when I don't eat, and get all concerned. WTF! make up your god damn mind. but I don't fucking care what they say to me, or about me. I'm fucking done. I'm not staying home anymore and if I am home, I'm staying in my room. maybe then they'll feel bad for the things they say. maybe then they'll miss me. I can honestly say I hate where I live.

In other news, I'm finally talking to my long lost father. I've never met him, or my older sister and now I'm talking to them on facebook. He wants me to go to Idaho with them for thanksgiving. ah. thanksgiving. the worst holiday. my close family is used to me not eating. But I can't just refuse food at a strangers thanksgiving. And I don't know if I'm ready to meet that side of the family yet. I'd feel so uncomfortable and out of place.

But I haven't decided what I want to do yet.
wish me luck.
xoxo

xxxxxxx

so I gained like 3629619 pounds over this weekend >.<
grandmothers house.
Halloween.
'nuff said.

so I'm in love,

and I'm letting my guard down.
my boyfriend and I had a very emotional talk last night. we talked for hours, and he broke my heart in so many ways. He told me he feels like I don't care about him or trust him enough to let him in. I never tell anyone what I'm thinking or how I feel and this guy walks into my life and wants me to share everything with him. that's not gonna happen that easily. it's so hard for me to open up to people because I'm afraid they'll turn around and use it against me. I've had that happen way too many times. but he reassured me and promised me and cried over me. The last time he cried was over his dad when he was eight. I never imagined I'd have such an impact on someone. I'm nothing special. I'm just as broken as he is. He says he wants to know everything about me. He promises he'll make me so happy one day, I'll never have to cry again. and I just might believe him. He's made me the happiest I've been in a very long time. I don't even remember the last time I was this happy with my life. I may make some really stupid decisions when I'm with him, but I don't regret a thing. He wears his heart on his sleeve and I only wish I could do that. He doesn't know anything about me. I tell him I don't think my thoughts and feelings are important enough to share. He says he doesn't care. He just wants to hear me talk and wants to listen. We understand each other. I only hope this lasts.