8:32pm

Today's restriction was decent, I did kind of munch here and there on chips but I still monitored the calories & I didn't go over 800/900 (which was my goal for today) since I'm just trying to slowly start to get back into the groove of harsher restricting, so I'm not going to punish myself too much if I go a bit over my goals. I haven't had enough self-control (& was trying to "recover") for the last couple of years, to be strict with my diets & intake, so its gonna be a little rough to discipline myself again. I also redownloaded the MyFitnessPal app which is my favorite to track calories, intake & burned, it also counts my steps per day and takes off the estimated calories burned which is cool. 

But the reason I've decided to give up on trying to recover is because I've been severely depressed for a really long time, whether I'm restricting or trying to eat normally, I'm always tired, lethargic, and unhappy. So I figure if I'm gonna be depressed no matter what, I might as well try to lose weight so I can at least have control of something & be a little bit happier looking at myself in the mirror. Besides, trying to self-recover is hellish and I've come up unsuccessful anyways, obviously.

Anyways, since I started out today at 800 ish, I suppose I'll try to keep up with the 2468 diet, but in reverse. So I'll be doing 8642. I haven't decided if I want to fast after 200 or not, I feel like that would be a bad idea and I don't think I'm ready to jump back into that game yet. 

If you're reading this and would like to follow along with me on my calorie intakes per day here's what I'll be doing for now: 

Day 1 (today): 800 calories 

Day 2: 600 calories

Day 3: 400 calories

Day 4: 200 calories 

(Repeat) 

Also; I got my scale back and weighed myself for the first time in months today. Let's just say I'm extremely disgusted by how much I weigh. I don't even wanna know my BMI, I already know I'm overweight for my height. I wish I hadn't tried going into full recovery, i don't think I would've gained all this weight otherwise. 

quick stats for day 1;

height - 5'7"

current weight - 185 lbs

goal weight #1 - 150 lbs 

food; 

"breakfast" - no carb energy drink - 0 cals

lunch - diet sweet tea 20oz - 5 cals & chips - 280 cals

dinner - cheese sandwich (2 bread slices, 1 cheese slice, 1 tbs mayo) 255 cals & chips - 280 ?? 

& lots of water 

Hopefully I'll be able to quit the munching throughout the day, at least on unhealthy things. Next time I go out to the grocery store maybe I'll get baby carrots to munch instead, like the bunny I am 🐰