9:11pm

Liquid fasted all day and then.....bread and steak for dinner :( not the worst thing I could have eaten, I guess. Still frustrating though because I was doing well until then. Tomorrow I'll just go back to no-eating-after-3 and hope for the best. I'm running out of low-cal foods to eat though, I need to come up with a grocery list before we go shopping again. I'll be sure to post it on here once I figure it out. I like to snack mostly, so I want to figure out what some "healthy" snacks are that I could get to munch on throughout the day. 

That's why I've been considering starting smoking again, because I mostly bored eat & I just want something to keep my hands/mouth busy. So instead of eating and getting fatter, I'd rather eat less and die skinny. Either way, I'll be unhappy and die anyways right? 

11:33pm

I fucked up & I hate myself. Binged not only on alcohol, but food as well. I feel gross and over-stuffed. Won't be weighing in for a few days as it'll just discourage me. 

I was doing so well too until my partner came home with a bottle of tequila and a case of beer. Two shots in and I stuffed my belly full with two cans of spaghetti-oh's, which are like 500 calories PER CAN. Had bread with it as well. I'm not happy. I'll be water fasting tomorrow, I don't care how hard it is. 

10:53pm

Today was good! I did actually stop eating by 4pm (yeah it was supposed to be 3pm but I napped and slept past 3 so I ate when I woke up to reach 800 cals) I have had a couple cups of iced coffee with creamer since then though, but that's nothing major imo. It wasn't as hard to do as I thought it would be, eating that many calories all in the beginning of the day did seem to keep me from getting too hungry throughout the rest of the evening. But I'm kind of hyped on caffeine because of the coffee, so good thing I don't work early in the morning. I'll have to get some diet soda or juice to have instead of coffee now.

I never usually weigh-in at the end of the day but I did tonight and I was expecting to be more than what I weighed this morning (that's why I try to only weigh myself I the morning) but I'm actually a couple points below it. I came in at 181.8 so I'm really hoping to be down to 180 or lower by the morning weigh-in tomorrow!! 

I do feel a bit sick & lightheaded right now but I'm pretty sure it's from too much caffeine this late at night, along with lack of enough food. I'm gonna try to go to sleep in a bit, because I don't wanna end up late-night binging. 

Food;

Breakfast

- low carb monster - 25

- 1 bag popchips - 100

Lunch

- 2 frozen burritos - 600

- salsa - 10

Snack 

- lemon pepper tuna - 40

- sourdough slice - 105 

It's hard to estimate the coffee's calories so I'm just not going to add them to my total, unless I start measuring the exact amount of creamer I use per cup. Which I should probably start doing. I don't think I did too bad, although I did kind of beat myself up over having all 600 calories at once for lunch, when I could have at least split it into 300 calories for two different meals. Then I wouldn't have had the tuna on bread either. Lessons learned for next time though. 

7:22am

Today I'm trying something different, instead of the "2468" I want to try the "after 3pm" diet. You basically just get all your calories in before 3pm, and then stop eating after that. I'll be trying to stay between 600-900 calories each day, and I will be allowing myself to have liquid calories, like coffee, after 3pm. This is technically a "healthy" diet, I read about it on a few fit blogs and there's like a whole book written about it. Obviously the diet suggests you get your full "normal" calorie intake, like 12-1300 or whatever. I'm still restricting so I'm sticking to my goals. It'll probably be kind of hard since I usually binge/eat mostly in the evening, & I'm used to not eating sometimes until after noon/1pm. People have claimed rapid weight loss while doing this, so I'm hoping to see the same results. My weigh-in this morning was 182 flat, and I'm excited to see it drop below the 80's. Getting closer to my first weight goal everyday!

I'm hoping to become used to eating less and less so I can eventually step back into the ABC diet, which is my favorite tbh. It's really harsh but the calorie balance causes weight loss and no bloating. Your body doesn't try to retain all the fat it can when it realizes you're starving, I just need to get to a point where I know I'll be able to stick with the goals and be able to fast. 

9:32pm

Going to bed hungry tonight! I managed not to over-eat today and I'm pretty proud of myself?? I did not stay within my goal of 400, but I only went a little over 800, and honestly as long as I'm under 1,000 calories each day, I think I'm doing alright. I have work in the morning, so I'll be able to avoid any morning binges. My main goal right now is just to get used to eating less again, because I've just been letting myself gorge whenever I wanted to and I've gotten used to over-eating a LOT. That's why I'm not being too hard on myself, like I usually had been in the past. I would see any calorie over my goal as an immense failure, and it always discouraged me and made me binge more. Trying to stay positive and taking things slow, hopefully this different approach will be beneficial in the long run. 

I would've been closer to 800 I think had I not had coffee with creamer, again, but like I said, I'm not super worried about liquid calories right now anyways so I'm a little more lenient with myself. I weighed in this morning at 183.2, so there was a small drop in numbers. It's all just water weight and normal bloating coming off though, I want to see results in the mirror more than on the scale. 

Food; 

Breakfast

- 2 eggs w/ tbs salsa - 180  

- low carb monster energy - 25 

Lunch 

- bread & cheese - 280 

Dinner 

- Easy mac & cheese cup - 220

- Sourdough slice - 105 

- Coffee - est. 90 

& like I mentioned in the last post, to prevent a binge, I chewed-and-spit a small bowl of pasta. I'm sure that added a little extra calories since well, you can't really spit all of the food out. So gross. I don't know if I'll ever do that again, it made me sick to my stomach and I'm not a fan of feeling nauseous. Tomorrow's goal is supposed to be 200 but.......I couldn't even do 400 so......we'll see