School.

School starts this monday and thank God I'm down a few pounds. I haven't got on the scale in a few days, but I'm looking better in my clothes. That's good enough result for me. But I kinda blew off the whole cracker/pickle thing. But only because I've been with friends for most of the week, and I can't starve them too.
But I got my new schedule yesterday and My electives are Child Development and Dance. I'm taking CD cause I had nothing better to take, to be honest. My school doesn't have any career electives for my job field. And I have no honors or AP classes, thank goodness. I would fail those in a heartbeat. And I have Algebra II first period. yay. Way to put stress on me right in the beginning of the day. But I have dance last, so that's a good thing.
I don't really know why I'm sharing this with you. Nothing better to post about I guess? Well I hope you all have a beautiful day<3

xoxo

new approach

i've decided to only eat pickles and crackers for the next 10 or more days. i also have this friend that only eats oatmeal, so i tried. ewh. oatmeal is disgusting and makes me feel so fat. but you get full on eating barely any. but i don't like feling that full, so i'm sticking to my cracker and pickle diet.
i'll update my weight every so often throughout the 10 days.
love you!
xoxo

it's fucking hilarious

how ONE day can fuck everything up.
one pound down though.
My daddy bought a scale :)

My life is crazy.

Okay. a LOT is going on right now.
Basics:
Broke up with new boyfriend because ex boyfriend (not the one with the pictures) wanted me back. Ex boyfriend (with the pictures) got a new girlfriend and wouldn't tel me who. whatever. don't care. His new girlfriend starts texting me and is like I'm not dating him. I don't know what he's talking about, He's lying, and he's like, I'm not lying, she just doesn't want you to know we're together. blahblahblah. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she wasn't lying. She was my friend and he liked her before me, and we're not really that close, so it's whatever. BUT, he's telling her I'm talking all this shit about her, when I'm not, so I tell her about the blackmail with the pictures thing. She seems upset to me, but he tells me she didn't care and whatever. then I tell him that she's bulimic and he's like yeah I know. I don't care. WTF??? I told him about my eating disorder and he flipped a bitch. He was like, I'm not going to try to change people anymore. UHHHHH. you couldn't have realized this like eight fucking months ago?? but whatever. I'm over it. I'm done with all their lies and drama. I don't care if she's lying. She's fat anyways.

But more about my boyfriend situation. A few days after I got with my boyfriend, let's call him joe, my ex, ex boyfriend, let's call him adam, messages me and says he still loves me, and he wants me back blahblah. And it had been almost a year since we had broken up. and I still really care about him and we hung out today. AND I didn't really think me and joe were going anywhere. He does a lot of drugs and I rarely see him, so I'm not into that. So now me and adam are back together and I'm pretty happy about that. OH. and he's like major thinspo for me. He's like a twig and waaay tinier than me. I can't let that stay. I want to be smaller than him, so I'm working extra hard to shed my fat.

Intake today:
1 cup of mac&cheese
1 popsicle

and I'm pretty sure that's it. except a couple pices of gum and some tea.
sorry about the shitty cal. report again :p

xoxo

thinspo time!

update

Today I haven't had much. I almost binge a few times, but I took a bite and threw it away. I can't let myself go into the blue. My life hasn't been to exciting, but I'm happy. And once I'm smaller, I'll be happier. I have a new boyfriend, who I will NOT tell about this. I screwed up last time on that, I'm not doing it again. He won't think much when I don't eat around him. He works, so we don't see each other during the day, anyways.
But anyways, I don't exactly remember all that I've had today, But I haven't had a full on like meal. it's all been crackers and stuff. So today is good. My tummy is empty, I'm in a good mood, and nothing can put me down.
Hopefully this good mood will last. If it doesn't, I'm going to be right back to where I started. And no one wants that.

Intake:
8 crackers
2 pickled okras (5 cals for both)
1 popsicle
and that's all I remember :p
sorry about the sucky cal. estimation but that's the jist of my day. not bad, eh?

xoxo

whew!

that was close! I finally got my ex to calm done and convinced him to not send the photos. Thank God! that would've ruined me! He said he'd delete them eventually, but still. It makes me uneasy.

Anyways, I went clothing shopping today. My god was that a downer. I hate trying on jeans. It seems like everytime I go, the size is a bigger number. Hopefully I can shed down to a size one or zero in a few weeks.

oh well. :/
Hope you guys are doing better than I am.<3

xoxo

Help!

Guys, you have no idea how much trouble I'm in. My ex boyfriend is crazy and is threatening to send all the dirty photos of me to a bunch of people. I don't know what to do and I don't think I can stop him :( I really really hope he doesn't...oh my god, what am I going to do? :(

Life.

Family is gone.
heart is in pieces.
no more bestfriend.
Lost all control.
What's new with you guys?

Bleh.

Today was okay, I guess. Better than a bad day. Really boring though. And my family is coming into town tomorrow. That means lots of meals -_-
But I'll lie my way through it. And lady gaga has been my getaway lately. I also have some knew "love" interests. I feel like I have a whole new life.
OH! I also began my walls. I have almost three walls covered with thinspo in my room (:
it's the second time I've done it. the last time sucked though. it looks good now (:
And any thoughts on my new header picture? I don't really like it, so send me picture similar to it? I'm sure you know my style by now (:
Today I didn't keep track of what I ate like I said I would, but I probably wouldn't post it here anyway. I'd make a fool of myself.

In other news, I've been much more confident. Well, today :p I always have my good days, and my bad days. Good days, when I'm "in the white" I'm comfortable, confident, everything is under control. Bad days, when I'm "in the blue" I feel shitty, I'm self-conscious, and I eat. You'd think on my blue days, I'd rather stick a pin in my eye than eat. But luckily these blue days are rare. But contrary wise, They can last for weeks. So it's more like a blue week, but out of two months.
Just a day in the life, I guess.

But about this weekend..oh, and sorry if I seem all over the place. My mind is quite scattered. This weekend I am not looking forward to at all. My cousin is coming to stay. I hate her. Really, I do. She's a slut, to put it mildly. Anyways, she's coming along with my grandparents. This means we'll probably eat out. Usually olive garden, but luckily their minestrone soup is only 100 calories. As long as I steer clear of the breadsticks (160 each!), I'll be fine. Hopefully I can find things to do to fill my time and see as little of my cousin as possible. She really does make my life a living hell. Even my mother hates her.

But anyways, I'm almost completely back on track, just a few more positive days and I'll be back on my feet. And thank you guys so much for your words (: I hope to get more. Keep posting your thinspo! Love you, babydolls!

xoxo kay

Things are not easy for me right now. Everything is falling apart. I'm losing myself. I'm losing my life. I hate what I see, don't do anything about it. I eat. Don't gain weight, but don't lose it either. I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm in some serious need of thinspo right now, babydolls. I need you guys to help me out. I need as much love and support as I can get.
I want you to post your favorite thinspiration quotes, pictures, poems, lyrics, your own words, anything.
Please please please post your comments. give me my strong will to go on back.
I love you!

xoxo