Itty Bitty

I've recently discovered that I can semi fulfill my hunger by chewing the food, but spitting it out. I get the satisfaction of the taste of the food, but no guilty full stomach.

I basically trick myself into thinking I'm eating, when obviously I'm not. you could probably "eat" whatever you want. I still stay on my strict diet because I don't want to risk letting in any extra calories. that's the last thing I want.

I have also recently been thinking about taking laxatives every so often to clear everything out of my system. I haven't looked to much into them because I've had an odd fear of laxs for a long time. I guess I'm afraid of getting like embarrassing diarrea or something. totally ridiculous, but it's a true fear. the fear of fat overpowers that by 100% though. I'm willing to try anything to lose weight. even if it means overcoming a long held fear.